Remind Me
by ImaginaryHeart
Summary: They were supposed to have a love of the ages. Their marriage was supposed to work. They were supposed to live happily ever after. But their marriage didn't meet the high expectations they had. Divorce became the only escape, but it's an unwanted solution. Follow them on a journey of blood, sweat, and tears as they remind each other just how it used to be and how it could be again.
1. Chapter 1

_Just like a page out of a fairy tale_

_the storybook romance comes true…_

_Isabella Marie Swan_

_and _

_Jacob Ephraim Black_

_request the honor of your presence_

_October sixteenth two thousand and ten_

_at 2:30 in the afternoon_

_Rialto Beach_

_Forks, Washington_

Between her fingers, Bella held the cream cardstock invitation with frayed edges and glistening orange calligraphy. The poetic saying both she and Jacob agreed upon mocked her heavy heart. At the time, the words never seemed truer. Their love was like a fairytale, and they lived a storybook romance.

They had been high school sweethearts. Love bloomed quickly. It was the definite kind of love. The kind that doesn't stop for anything – not even when Bella moved four hours away to college while Jacob stayed behind to become a certified mechanic. Their love didn't teeter when she trekked across Europe with a few friends from college. Their love didn't falter when Jacob traveled Canada with his best friends. In fact, the time away from the other only seemed to draw them closer.

Jacob and Bella's love was what most adults dreamed of having. Their consistent infatuation with the other, even after five years of dating, triggered jealous stares and curious whispers. People in their small town rarely caught glimpses of survivable love, and yet they were witnessing the truest and purest of loves.

Bella could still feel that pure, true love in her soul, but it was different now. Marriage changed them. At first the transformation was barely noticeable. Small gestures of adoration were left undone. Small words of affection were left unsaid. Presences were taken for granted. Time was wasted.

All those things, Bella handled fairly well. She took them in stride and understanding that perhaps life was getting in the way. It happened to everyone. Didn't it? Things would get better. Wouldn't they?

Jacob sensed the change as well. And so, in agreement, they put forth effort that they'd never had to exude before. It was tiring, hard, and not as easy as everyone had promised them it would be; however, the results were promising.

Their hands naturally drifted together. Their smiles brightened widely. Their words of adoration were freely spoken with tender tones. Their bodies joined in rituals of love making, closing the small gap that had grown between them. The remaining small crevice was filled early on a Monday morning as Bella and Jacob impatiently sat for the longest three minutes they'd experienced yet.

Two minutes and fifty-four seconds later, Bella and Jacob rejoiced as the tiny white stick held a pretty pink plus sign in the results window. They were pregnant, _happily_ pregnant. And just as quickly as they'd found out their family was growing they were presented with one of the hardest tribulations even the most experienced of married couples could not overcome.

Miscarriage.

Suddenly, life needed to be busy. To keep their minds away from _their_ loss, Jacob and Bella all but avoided each other. What little words spoken were adorned with caution. Gestures of love and compassion were reduced to nodding heads and diverting eyes. Kisses on the cheek replaced those long passionate nights that had brought them to the present.

Bella blamed herself for the loss of their child. Her pregnancy hadn't lasted long, but in the few weeks she had been with child, Bell grew used to the idea of one half of her and one half of Jacob forming a complete little being. There was nothing in life grander than that thought.

The blame that blazed in Bella's heart amplified tenfold when Jacob was around. The usual glisten in his stare was gone. Every so often, Bella swore she could see a bit of disappointment flutter across his face.

Somewhere between the disappointment in Jacob and the guilt in Bella slipped a love of the ages. Laughter and rejoice no longer echoed from the walls of their once comfortable home. Instead anger and guilt flooded the home, filling it until the foundation began to buckle.

The cracks in their marriage grew with passing days. Bella often found herself perusing their photo albums and keepsake boxes, desperately trying to hold onto something, anything that could keep their marriage alive. And just as she had many days before this one, Bella reminisced with a keepsake between her fingers. This time, this session, Bella held onto the one thing that should have made her heart explode with love.

But it hadn't. It didn't. It wouldn't.

She wasn't happy. Jacob wasn't happy. Their life together wasn't a happy one any longer.

Heaviness dawned on the rapidly beating, cracked heart in Bella's chest. They'd stopped trying. Love wasn't enough to bandage the destruction she and Jacob imposed. It was over. They were over.

Their marriage was over.


	2. Chapter 2

**Suggested Listening: **Taylor Swift – White Horse; SafetySuit – What If; David Cook – Lie

**Warning: **This chapter contains intense adult situations. If you or someone you love has been affected by miscarriage and you are sensitive to those situations, then please do not read.

**Disclaimer: **All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Three Weeks Later**

Jacob dragged his finger tips down the side of his newest project, a 1950's Chevrolet truck. Coarse rust rubbed at his flesh while he made his way to the driver's side door. The old man he'd bought the truck from was right. There was far more rust on the old piece of junk than there was salvageable metal, but Jacob wasn't sure he cared. It would cost him a pretty penny to restore what should have been scrap-metal, but, again, he didn't care.

Restoring the truck would cloud his mind, keeping it off of the consistent numbness now exploring his veins. He was sure his indifference hadn't gone unnoticed. Bella always had a snide comment to make about his lack of attention to her needs. If she wasn't complaining about that, she was reminding him of every last detail of _their _miscarriage – like he didn't think of it on a constant basis anyway.

His fingers slipped under the rusted chrome door handle. With a loud pop, the truck door opened. An old, mildew reminiscent odor clobbered Jacob in the face. His nose wrinkled at the stench, but he climbed in anyway. Dust particles kicked up and swirled around as he flipped through his keychain for the ignition key.

Months ago his happiness sprouted wings and buzzed out the window, thus his nonexistent cares and excessive numbness. Admittedly, everything had fallen apart in just a little over a year of marriage. He wasn't sure how they'd arrived at their current destination, and Jacob was uncertain of the length of stay.

That point, matter-of-factly, was why he bought the Chevy truck. He was going to rebuild it from the bottom, up alone. Maybe then he could figure out a way to salvage whatever was salvageable – not just truck wise.

Bella may have become a depressive pain in his ass, but he still loved her. The unvarying arguments, the shouting matches, the broken loss – he'd find a way to fix it all. He and Bella were two peas in a pod. Nothing could tear them apart.

With the large metal key between his fingers, Jacob placed one hand on the steering wheel, pushed the key into the ignition, and turned it.

The motor tried to crank over. A grinding dry metal against rusted dry metal sound tore through the silent garage. Pumping the gas pedal with his foot, Jacob kept the key turned, determined to have it start on the first try. But the motor was too damaged, too worn out, and maybe Jacob tried a little too hard as he pumped the gas pedal turning the key a third, a fourth, a fifth time.

The garage flooded with gasoline and old-oil fumes. The odor burned at his nostrils. The motor sputtered and chugged. Metal clinked against metal.

"Come-The-Fuck-On!" Jacob growled, smacking his palm against the maroon leather covered steering wheel.

There had to be something salvageable, something that worked correctly. Jacob's foot pumped faster and faster and his grip tightened on the key, twisting it harder and harder until his hand suddenly twisted all the way forward. The tension on the old metal key released as it snapped off, breaking into two pieces. Holding the remainder of the key up, anger boiled and burned inside of Jacob.

"What the fuck?" He yelled at the key. "What kind of bull shit is this?" He slammed his palm against the steering wheel again. A jolt of pain started in his wrist and shot up his arm, but his frustration numbed it.

Jacob forced the door open. With a strong arm, he slammed it shut. The truck and its old suspension rocked and creaked back and forth at the force. "God damn stupid piece of fucking shit." He mumbled as he rounded the front of the rusted truck. His enthusiasm had dwelled. Anger took over.

"S-s-something wrong?" Bella's arms wrapped around her midsection as though she were hugging herself.

"That's a stupid question." Jacob rolled his eyes. "This thing is a piece of shit. I wasted two grand on it. Two-fucking-grand."

"I thought you knew it didn't work?" Bella scooted her feet against the dirt floor of the garage while Jacob fought with the rusted hood lever. He grunted, pushed, and pulled. "Do you need some help?"

"You think you can do it?" Jacob flung his hands in the air and stepped back. "Fucking do it." A sneer glared on his face. "I'm tired of fighting with the piece of shit."

"Sorry. I-I was only trying to help." Bella softly spoke all fragile like.

Jacob grumbled inwardly. The girl standing next to him barely resembled the girl he married. She'd died right along with their unborn child.

Bella glanced up to him with bright doe eyes. "I didn't mean to bother you, but dinner is on the table. I don't want it to get cold."

"I'll be in, in a minute." Jacob sighed.

"O-okay." And with that Bella shuffled off into the house.

When he heard the side door shut, Jacob peaked over his shoulder. Guilt bubbled somewhere inside of his numb heart. He knew he shouldn't have spoken to Bella that way, but god damn did he miss his best friend. The girl who always seemed to hug herself wasn't who he'd married. The girl who was afraid to speak above a whisper wasn't who he fell in love with. He missed the fun, spontaneous, gentle hearted and confident girl he met in high school.

Bella wasn't Bella anymore. He guessed he probably wasn't himself any longer either. Their relationship changed the moment Bella slung open the bathroom door with blood on her hands.

"_Jake," Bella's terrified voice shuddered, "something…" She looked to her blood stained baby blue pajama pants. Her eyes drew wide. Her chest struggled for air. "Something's wrong."_

_A circular bloody patch between Bella's legs stole Jacob's train of thought. It wasn't normal. This wasn't right. Something was horribly wrong. His brain had been a sleep-filled mess, but there was only one feeling that cleared the dense fog – terror._

_Jacob drove his fastest to the hospital. The fact that the leather interior cost him over six grand was a minor detail compared to the fact that his pregnant wife was painfully bleeding next to him. _

_Once they reached the emergency room, everything became a messy blur. He couldn't make out words people said, but Jacob could surely feel their eyes staring between the bloody spot on Bella's pants and himself. Their sympathetic sorrow coiled around his rapidly beating heart, which muted out the muffled voices of doctors and nurses. The only words he could make out was the practiced apology the doctor made just as Bella was being discharged home. _

"_I'm sorry, Mrs. Black. It seems that you're miscarrying. I understand this can be a trying time. Understand that in your case there is nothing we can do. You're in the early stages of pregnancy, and unfortunately, we have no way of intervening. What we can do is make sure you are okay to go home. We will give you a pamphlet with all the necessary information regarding when you need to call your doctor and when you don't need to…"_

_He was supposed to be a father in seven months._

_Jacob's heart felt like it was being twisted and pinched by a pair of vice grips. His stomach burned. The air meeting his lungs was insufficient. His chest pained. The world around him, the world he'd imagined in the coming months, crumbled. _

With his palms, Jacob abrasively rubbed at his burning eyes. A rolling ball of flames ignited in his gut. The fire burning in his belly was all too familiar. He had felt it the night Bella miscarried, and it often flared with _that_ memory.

Over the following months after the miscarriage, Jacob learned to box up that feeling and hide it somewhere in the dark crevices that used to house the excitement of a son or daughter. But, tonight, there was no boxing up the unhappy memory. Jacob looked over his shoulder toward the opened garage door, and then his eyes turned toward the furthest corner of his garage.

The corner was covered in a dark shadow. No amount of yellow light overhead would illuminate that section of the garage. And that was precisely why Jacob chose that corner. The darkness would keep Bella away. She rarely visited the confines of Jacob's almost dilapidated gray garage unless he was already clanking around inside. So, he had hidden the surprise he hoped to finish in the nine months he was _supposed _to have.

Jacob slid his feet through the dirt floor. He clasped his hand around the dirty metal handle of the door and pulled. The old door creaked and clanked as Jacob pushed it to the floor, sealing off the garage and himself from the outside world. Dusting off his hands, Jacob again glanced toward the back corner of the garage. He hadn't been back there since the miscarriage, and he wasn't entirely sure he would be able to handle the project he prematurely started.

A part of Jacob needed to see what was back there one more time. Maybe then he could figure out a way to deal with all of the grief he felt instead of stuffing it into a box and letting it eat away at him.

Before Jacob could contest visiting the back corner of his garage, he found himself in the midst of the blackest shadows. The corner overtook him as his fingers gripped on a dusty tarp. His eyes were still adjusting to the darkness as he tossed back the tarp.

Dirt and dust particles drifted in the air just like dew does on an early spring morning. His fingers coasted over the round, carved pieces of wood. Some pieces were rough as they had yet to be sanded. Others were still in the process of being carved into the next needed piece. Jacob examined the pieces one by one, bringing them up and out of the shadow of the corner. When he was done, Jacob moved to his left. The rolling ball of flames in his gut picked up speed, his grief escalating.

A bottle of wood glue, a few screws, and his carving tools still rested where he'd left them last. And just to the left of them sat his project, his surprise for _their_ baby: a partially constructed, hand-carved – _by his own hands_ – baby crib.

The flames in his belly flared to his eyes, causing them to burn and ache. His heart quivered at the sight of what used to be his excitement, but was now his downfall. Quickly, Jacob tucked away any resemblance of his flaring grief into a tiny box and covered the pieces of the crib with the tarp. He quickly made his way toward the side door of the garage and reached out for the light switch. His finger teetered on the switch. Just before he flicked the light off, Jacob glanced back to the dark corner of the garage.

Part of him was carved into the unfinished baby crib. And Jacob was sure it was the part that housed his happiness, because the moment Bella lost the baby was the moment he could no longer find light in anything.

Jacob flicked the light off and closed the door behind him. As he left his seclusion, the weight of their deteriorated marriage settled upon his already drooping shoulders. Their midsize, log-style house waited in the evening shadows. The setting sun cascaded hazy orange hues against the dark wooden exterior making the log house's exterior extravagantly elegant with rows upon rows of pine trees settled in its rear.

This had been their dream house. Jacob and his buddies built it with their own hands. Billy, Jacob's Dad, and Charlie, Bella's Dad, footed the bill as an early wedding present. Jacob and Bella couldn't be more thankful for the thoughtful gift and confidence in the love they shared.

And now, the hand-built, three-bedroom house was nothing but a heavy burden. Instead of nights of love making, nights were filled with screaming fights and regretful words. Instead of a married couple slipping off to sleep wrapped in each other's arms, Bella and Jacob slept in separate bedrooms.

Heaving a breath, Jacob hopped up the three porch steps and pushed open the door. The left over motor oil and gasoline odor was overpowered by the scent of double-baked cheesy lasagna and homemade garlic bread. His stomach growled, the fire subsiding just enough to allow his hunger to overpower it.

Bella sat at the dinner table. The fork in her hand pushed around a few globs of stray cheese. Her cheeks blushed cherry as Jacob pulled back the chair in front of her and took a seat. The plate in front of him held portions that only Bella would know he could consume. A smirk tried to work its way through the tension, the anxiety, the resentment, but was unsuccessful in its effort to show a sign of appreciated affection.

Silence filled the once conversation-packed dinner table. Tense sighs and downward-pointed eyes substituted heartfelt laughs and loving gazes. Awkward distance replaced physical contact. Harsh arguments surpassed pleasant conversation. Smiles changed to tears. I love yous went unsaid.

Silverware clanked against white porcelain, lasagna-covered plates. Jacob bit into a slice of garlic bread. The crunching sound it made was music to his silence-filled ears. From his dipped head, Bella's plate was within view. Her usually devoured lasagna was untouched. He watched as she nervously pushed the blobs of cheese around her plate just as she had been when he came in from outside.

Jacob cleared his throat and sat his fork down. "Something wrong? You're not eating." He tried to make sure his sincerity was laced through his words. And then Bella looked up.

Her doe eyes stared at him with a looming sadness and an unspoken apology. Dropping her fork, Bella reached in the chair next to her. Her fingertips shook as they disappeared under the table and reappeared with a manila envelope in her hand. Jacob watched her expression grow heavier and darker as she slid the envelope over to him.

Perplexed as to what the envelope could be, Jacob took it from the table. Glancing up at Bella, the sadness flitting through her eyes worried him. An unsettled loss impended his heart while he slid a packet of paper from the envelope. The ball of rolling fire flared in his gut. His throat clogged and his heart shattered as he read the bold lettering at the top of the paper:

**Dissolution of Marriage**

Nausea waved over him. An exhale pushed passed his lips with unforgiving force. His breathing picked up. Disbelief flooded him. Anger swarmed his brain. His heart bled. Regret hung in his soul.

This was out of the clear blue sky, and Jacob wouldn't allow it. Living without Bella, having a life that didn't include her, was the most damning of sins. Divorce was admitting their love – a love that everyone envied – failed. Jacob wouldn't admit defeat.

"No." He firmly declared and stood.

"Absolutely."

Jacob's voice rose with every syllable he spoke.

"Fucking."

His fingers grappled the papers as his fist closed tightly.

"Not!"

Bella stared up at him, tears pouring from the doe eyes he loved so much.

"No!"

Keeping Bella's stare was almost impossible while inside his heart was turning to ash. His crumbled world was returning to the barren land it was before he fell in love with Bella.

"Jacob…" Bella tried to interject.

Simply hearing her voice tore at his burning heart. His quaking name falling from her lips amplified the saddened gaze of her tear stained eyes. She was at the end of her rope, but so was he. Jacob reached the end of his rope weeks ago, but divorce was never an option to him.

He made her a promise. _He kept his promises! Didn't he?_

He thought Bella felt the same. He thought her promises, _her vows_, meant something more.

"FUCK NO!" Jacob growled balling up the papers that would tear him from her and throwing them with all his might across the kitchen. "That's bullshit!" His skin quivered with utter betrayal. "No!"

Raw disbelief and hurt overshadowed any sense of reality. The only thing he could do in the moment was walk out the door. Maybe he did it to hurt her, maybe he did it to save himself, but either way Jacob could no longer stay another second inside of a house that used to be his loving home with a wife that now wanted nothing more of him than his signature on some piece of paper that would dissolve everything that was Jacob and Bella.

Rushing out the door with nothing more than himself, Jacob's feet carried him passed the garage. When he reached the white Ford F350 truck and the green Chevrolet Volt, his destroyed soul pushed him to continue the journey he was unwillingly thrown head first into on two feet. Sorting out his emotions would be easier this way. There wasn't one feeling he could pick from the rest that allowed him to wrap his head around what just happened.

Rocks crunched beneath his work boots. Dirt kicked up behind him in a cloud of dusty fog. When he rounded the mailbox at the end of the drive, Jacob's heart sputtered to a halt. "The Black's", it read. Jacob grazed his fingers over the black lettering. The crinkled, rusted aluminum mailbox wobbled in its unsteady – _thanks to the Res kids with baseball bats and too much time on their hands_ – foundation. His hand came to a rest as his fingers hovered over the numbers to their dream home.

Jacob lifted his eyes to the house that seemed too far out of reach. The windows in the kitchen glowed yellow. A faint silhouette strategically moved behind the cream drapes in the kitchen. Closing his eyes, Jacob shook his head out of sheer disbelief.

Was this happening? The evening didn't seem real. It couldn't be real, because if it was, then his life would be flipped on its axis. Up until the miscarriage, he'd lived his life for Bella, but he lost himself in his own grief. Divorce never was a hint of a thought. It wasn't even an afterthought, and here Bella presented him with divorce papers. Jacob didn't know that divorce was even an option to her. He merely thought they were both lost in the loss of their pregnancy. And he was sure that they'd find each other on the way out.

But, Bella didn't want that. She wanted to be rid of him.

Tapping his hand on the side of the mailbox, Jacob opened his burning eyes. No semblance of life moved inside the house. The yellow light was now a black emptiness. A faint thump in his chest cleared the pain for a moment when he noticed the drapes in their upstairs bedroom flutter shut.

As Jacob trekked further down the road, he kept his attention on the window of their bedroom, hoping that maybe Bella would open it and yell for him to come back, beg him to forgive her for such a bad, silly joke.

Jacob's eyes lurked on the house until the pine trees lining the road blocked his view. Even then, he jogged across the asphalt making sure that the house was still in his line of sight. And when the house could no longer be seen, when it became just a tiny blot in his view, Jacob dropped to his knees as an unforgiving crack ripped through his chest. Doubling him over, the pain, the loss, the reality of what was happening pushed him further to the ground. His grease stained fingers dug into the dusty dirt. A terrifying sob jerked from Jacob's lungs.

The box of contained grief ripped open that night melting his heart in his very chest. All of the times Jacob stuffed it aside came roaring back. His body trembled and quaked. Sadness poured from him like red-hot lava from a volcano.

_There was no stopping it. This was what he deserved._

Somewhere in the background Jacob made out the sound of a rumbling motor and the squeaking of breaks. A flood of heat rumbled over his head and down his back. With a dirt covered face, Jacob looked up from the ground into two brightly shining head lights. He shielded the light with his hand, but still the light blinded his blurry, burning vision.

Jacob didn't want to be seen like this. He wanted to be left alone. But the driver of the truck in front of him had a different idea.

The door squeaked open and slammed shut. A limping man rounded the front of the truck and knelt down next to him. "Jacob," the man's wise voice allowed Jacob to drop back to the dirt, "son." Billy's hand clamped down on Jacob's wide shoulder and squeezed. "Bella called."

Jacob felt humiliated. His fist slammed into the ground. Another sob tore from his throat. "She wants a divorce, Dad."

"I heard." Billy slid his hand around to Jacob's other shoulder. He bent forward and pulled Jacob from the ground. "Come on. Let's get you home."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:**All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

**Suggested Listening:** Brantley Gilbert - You Don't Know Her Like I Do; Hanson - Underneath; Andrew Belle - In My Veins; SafetySuit - What If.

**Author's Note: **Thanks for reading guys! This chapter is more of a filler chapter and it was a necessary process for Jacob to go through. He had to go through these motions to realize Bella was actually gone. Not much angst left to go before we fall into the romance portion of the story. If you guys have questions, feel free to ask on here or on Twitter. I'm MissCheleDawn. Toodles!

"What's going on, Jake?" As he drove, Billy kept a watchful eye on his son.

Jacob was slumped against the truck door. His elbow rested on the small lip at the window and his hand was fisted into a ball that pressed against his temple. The foot closest to his father rested on the old, dusty dashboard. Jacob bounced his other leg. The up and down motion lulled the anger still erupting inside of him. When his anger was diffused, it turned into a burning, echoing, unbearable, nearly tangible pain.

"I already told you."

He wanted to cry. He wanted to shed a tear for every second he thought his marriage was still salvageable.

"Bella wants a divorce. I don't. It's as simple as that."

Billy sighed. He understood his son's frustration. At one time, Billy had feelings that were parallel to his son's, but seeing Jacob in that type of pain was too difficult _not_ to butt in. "It's never that simple."

A small bit of anger erupted inside of him. "Well, she sure as fuck made it that simple."

"Jake, I wasn't aware y'all were having problems."

"We weren't." Jacob tried to lie, but to anyone who knew them as a couple knew different. "We do. We did… _fuck_." Jacob grumbled pressing his fist harder into his temple until he could see little specks of white light. "I thought we would get past them, but Bella is more lost than I am, I guess."

"Lost?" Billy flipped his turn signal and slowed the truck. "What're you talking about, Jake? What happened?"

Jacob had two options. He could tell his father the truth or he could come up with some type of lie. But he wasn't a liar. He had never been one, and this just didn't seem like the moment to become one. The truth would be hard to say. There would be more questions and sympathetic looks that he had tried to avoid, but now the cards were different. Now, he stood to lose everything. Jacob's chest burned. His stomach twisted into knots and his throat threatened to close in on itself.

"Bella," Jacob swallowed and glanced toward his father. As much as he hated those sympathetic looks, it would help. "She and I…" His body started to tremble. His voice quaked. "She had a miscarriage."

"Bella was pregnant?"

Jacob glared over at his father.

"Sorry – stupid question."

"Look, I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Don't you think not talking about it is what got you here?" The truck came to a stop. Billy pushed the gearshift up to park and turned in his seat.

Jacob's shoulders lifted in a shrug. "I don't know what got me here, Dad. I've been trying to get through this on my own. The miscarriage hurt me just as much as it did Bella… if not worse."

"Marriage is about working through things together, not on your own." Billy corrected. "Don't you think maybe that's the problem?"

The statement sunk into Jacob's broken heart. It was the truth, a painful truth, but the truth all the same. However, that idea was an accusation dressed in wolf's clothing. And it angered him.

"I was there for my wife!"

"I didn't say you weren't, but instead of going off into your garage and tinkering around on some truck trying to fix it, don't you think that you should have been spending time with Bella? Trying to fix her?"

"How can I help her when _I'm_ hurting too? She's not by herself in this. I was there. I had just as many hopes. I wanted just as much as she did." Jacob's voice rose with aggression, his anger still fueled by his father's previous accusation.

Billy knew his son well, and he knew the moment Jacob started to shake that backing off of the current conversation was the only way to get through. So, that's what he did. "This…this… _divorce_…" Billy wafted the word away from himself, "it's not something you want?"

"Not at all." Jacob's lack of hesitation spoke more clearly than his words. "I promised her. I took a vow. And now…that doesn't seem to be good enough."

"You need to tell her that." Billy popped the door open and stepped out, leaving his son to stew in his words.

The next day Jacob barely mustered the strength to open his eyes. A headache pulsed at his temples. His mind lingered on the moment's breath that changed the meaning of his life.

Work was out of the question. He couldn't possibly drive across the reservation to Wolf Automotive and run the shop the way it should be. Quil and Embry were capable of running their co-owned business, but their plates were just as full as his. While he loved working on cars and losing himself in the "fixing", the business endeavor was Jacob's baby.

The shop had come a long way from the two-bay garage they'd started out in. With advertising, customer loyalty and incentive programs, Jacob developed a following for their fast, quality service and sleek waiting area that any man or woman could tolerate sitting in for two hours or more. Embry and Quil helped with the design of their new six-bay shop, but the rest was left to Jacob. Money, politics, merchandising, development – it was all handed to Jacob with trustful hands. That was something Jacob took seriously.

And so with the heartbreaking news he'd received last night, Jacob thought it in the right mind to take a day or two off. As much as it pained him to call Quil, he did it anyway.

"Hey, Quil. It's Jake. You got a minute?" Jacob stared at the ceiling tiles above what used to be his bedroom from age seven all the way up until he moved in with Bella a few years back.

"Yeah, yeah. Let me get to the office so I can actually hear you."

The loud mechanical hum of the garage almost soothed Jacob's beaten heart. For a moment, he deliberated going into the shop and working in the bay like the good old days, but the second the numbing hum of power tools, clanking ratchets, and laughing employees ceased, a flare of pain began to burn at the edges of Jacob's frayed heart.

"Alright." Quil huffed. "Where ya at, man? Bella in one of those early morning moods again?"

Jacob flinched at the sound of her name. "Nah, man. Look, I just need you and Embry to cover me at the shop the next couple of days. I got some stuff going on. I'll fill you guys in soon."

"We got you, man. It's about time you decided to take a vacay. You work too much." Quil was oblivious to what happened. In fact, most of Jacob and Bella's friends and family were just as clueless. Having to explain to them what happened would be one of the hardest things Jacob would ever do.

"Not really the kind of vacation I was wanting, but thanks, man. I'll call y'all sometime tomorrow to check in."

After a few fake laughs and instructions, Jacob sat his phone on the bed next to him. The shop and its responsibilities were taken care of for at least a few days, so he lost himself in the pain.

Last night he had been shoved from the top of a bottomless cliff. And this morning, he awoke, still falling, his limbs flailing against the gravity that was pulling him to the black pit of despair below. Jacob didn't know what was waiting for him at the bottom. Was it sharp skewers waiting to stab into him with forceful vengeance? Was this fall a free fall through space and time? Was there light below the darkness?

The unknown ate away at his thoughts. It ate away at his soul until there was no life left. The once brilliant glimmer in everything that was Jacob Black faded. The fire inside of him was smothered by the careless whispers of a broken soul.

A week passed in the blink of an eye. Still, Jacob found no energy, no urge, to pull himself out of his bedroom. He barely found enough strength to mosey out of the small room and grab a bite to eat. Billy's concerned looks when he did venture past the doorway made the anguish inside of him that much worse. Not to mention the sets of divorce papers that somehow ended up on the counter every morning.

At first, Jacob tossed them aside. Bile rose in his throat as the stack grew higher and higher. He figured ignoring them would be the best way to deal, but soon, there was no denying the need for Bella to rid her life of Jacob. She was relentless in her efforts, and it took its toll on Jacob – _and Billy._

The pile of manila envelopes on the dinner table was the focus of Jacob's stare each time he pushed himself out of the bedroom. They were all addressed to him in Bella's perfectly rounded handwriting. The fact that she had addressed them herself – that she had intentionally put his name and his address – made the fall from the cliff that much longer.

Every night just before Jacob closed his eyes, he flipped through the random pictures of himself and Bella saved on his phone. The happy smiles, the glowing love – it all meant something. And it still did to him. How could it not have meant something to Bella?

When the week of pain didn't stop the morning he was supposed to return to work, Jacob rolled over and went back to sleep. Sleeping evaporated the pain. It dissolved the real world around him, and it was in his dreams that he could still see the smile of his loving wife and the warmth in her eyes.

The silver band on his left ring finger was smooth against his skin as he spun it around with his thumb. His knee bounced as it had since the evening his marriage ended. The phone in his opposite hand shook.

Jacob contemplated calling Bella. He wanted to apologize for his explosion; he wanted to show that he was trying to move on from the selfish being he had become in the months following the miscarriage. But, he only succeeded in dialing the first six numbers before he deleted them.

Searching through his contacts, Jacob came to rest on Bella's name. Perhaps this would be easier. All he had to do was push one button and the call would go through. There wasn't a long stream of numbers that taunted him as he pushed them. A ball of angry, confusing want ate away at the inside of his stomach. In that moment, Jacob tapped Bella's name and lifted the phone to his ear.

The phone rang three times - exactly three times - before he was directed, ignored, to voicemail. He squeezed his eyes shut. The sound of her voice penetrated his heart with daggers. The upbeat sound, the sweet softness that bled into her words as she spoke, "Hey! This is Bella Black. I'm unable to get to the phone right now. Leave me a message and I'll get back to you," nearly crippled Jacob. The sound of his last name and her first caused his mouth to run dry and his eyes to burn. And then there was a beep queuing him to speak. It took him a few tries, but he finally willed a word or two out.

"Hey, Bells." He winced. "It's Jake. I-uh-I just wanted to hear your voice…" He paused. "Call me back when you can. I-uh-I…I miss you."

Jacob dropped the phone from his ear and ended the call. He knew he sounded lame and like a teenager asking out his first girl, but he didn't care.

The brisk autumn winds swirled the scent of pine trees through the air. Jacob stuffed his hands into his pockets and headed toward the mailbox at the end of the drive. Though Jacob still felt as though he were in the midst of a freefall, the burning inside of him fizzled to a consistent stinging.

A few days had passed since the last set of divorce papers came in the mail. Jacob couldn't fight the idea that maybe Bella changed her mind. Maybe she had come to her senses. Maybe, Bella saw what he saw, dreamt what he dreamt, felt what he felt. He couldn't take another day being haunted by a new set of divorce papers that he would refuse to sign. And so, when he opened the mailbox and was greeted with the absence of a manila envelope with perfectly looped handwriting, Jacob's heart began to beat for the first time in nearly a month.

"Jacob." Billy nodded as his son nearly skipped through the door.

"Hey." Jacob almost smiled.

"What's on the agenda for today?"

"I hadn't planned on anything, but I might head to the garage for a bit." Flipping through the mail, Jacob pulled the pieces that belonged to him – mainly junk that he'd never had forwarded to his new house – and tossed the rest toward his Dad.

Billy glanced over the white envelopes in Jacob's hand and smiled. "No papers again today?"

"Nope." Jacob rocked back and forth on his heels as he tossed his mail in the trash. Out of the corner of his eye, the teetering stack of manila envelopes caused his stare to linger a bit longer than it would have.

"Do you think Bella changed her mind?" Billy crossed his legs while he opened the newest electricity bill.

Jacob shrugged, but eclipsing his heart was hope. "Maybe she realized that I'm not giving up that easily."

"Did you tell her that?"

Jacob leaned against the counter. His hands gripped the edge as his feet crossed. He chewed on the inner corner of his lip.

_Why didn't he tell her that?_

When Jacob didn't answer, Billy gave his son an acknowledging nod. "I'm sure she'd like to know." He hinted. A distant smirk hid behind his stern, fatherly features.

A simple suggestion was all it took for Jacob to borrow his father's beat up Chevy truck and drive straight for his and Bella's home. There was a chance, a small but definitive chance, that Bella had changed her mind. Optimism flitted through his veins at raging speeds. When their log home came to view, the thumping hope exploded. A smile broke from his chains of despair.

The first thing he was going to do when Bella opened the door was wrap his arms around her small frame that made him feel twice the size he actually was. Then, he was going to kiss her – not one of those fast "hey honey how are you" kind of kisses - but the kind that made her legs wobble. After that, Jacob decided he would tell her just how much loved her. He would cup her cheeks, let his emotions flow – even if they were weepy tears – and then he'd make sweet passionate love to her just like he used to do before all the grief.

By the time Jacob reached their front door, his heart was pumping adrenaline through his veins. That adrenaline carried with it perpetual optimism. It flitted through his veins as he slid the key into the door lock.

Bella had changed her mind. She didn't want to divorce him. She still wanted him, _needed_ him.

His phone vibrated in his pocket, but Jacob ignored it. He also disregarded the absence of Bella's car in the driveway, and the lack of upkeep on the lawn. Jacob failed to see the heap of newspapers resting at his feet as he guided the door open and followed closely behind.

"Bel-," he started to yell, but the air stopped moving in his chest, "-la!" The last syllable of her name squeaked out of his throat as raspy defeat.

Jacob couldn't believe what he saw, which really wasn't much of anything. At first he wondered if they had been robbed, but as his stare drifted over the desolate house, his eyes told him a different story.

The perfectly painted walls were bare. Throws, pillows, candles – all things that made their house a home vanished into thin air. Most of the larger pieces of furniture still sat in their usual places, but even still Jacob recognized Bella's most favorite pieces - like the antique end tables she purchased in Port Angeles - were gone.

Jacob discounted the painful ripping in his chest and took the steps two at a time until he reached the second story. There he kept his eyes away from the absence of Bella's eclectic taste in art and headed dead straight for their bedroom, the one they had occupied together all the way up until the miscarriage, the one where they made the child that seemingly tore them apart. J

Jacob's fingers slid over the round doorknob. The cold metal leached the warmth that once radiated through him. Resting his forehead against the white surface, Jacob squeezed his eyes shut. His palm pressed against the wood, trying to will the foreknown emptiness through the grains. The emptiness never seeped through, and the valued warning he expected never came. So, he cautiously twisted the doorknob. With guarded abandon, Jacob forced himself to push the door open and let go of the knob. What he saw in the bedroom mirrored what he saw downstairs. Intricate pieces of Bella were missing.

The perfectly white comforter on their bed was replaced with Jacob's handed-down woven throw. Where the lime green throw pillows used to be rested two pillows with mismatching cases. The stack of books on Bella's beside table was replaced with his favorite car magazines. The top drawer of their dresser was ajar, catching Jacob's roaming stare. Two giant steps brought him to the half-closed drawer. His shaking fingertips trailed the edge while he peaked into the gap. The barren insides clogged his throat with a sob. He felt himself tearing in two. Reality set in, sinking his heart. Still, there was a small glimmer of hope left. Jacob spied that hope from the corner of his eye.

Unlike the cautious opening of the bedroom door, Jacob yanked the closet door open wanting so desperately to find every last piece of Bella hiding inside. But the closet was just as empty as he was. The shelves were desolate. The hangers dangled loosely on the rods along the length of the wall.

Bella was _gone_.

The millisecond that thought reached his brain the fire inside of Jacob detonated. Anger rattled his bones. His skin quivered. His breaths were shallow and quick. The temper he usually could handle – at least up until a few months ago – exploded, his arms swung at the ghost of his marriage. His fingers spread out trying to grapple at least a piece of Jake and Bells. And when his fingers and arms failed to encapsulate something tangible, Jacob lost control.

Inanimate objects that once represented their family, their home became his enemy. Whatever he could grab, he latched onto it with forceful vengeance and vehemently sailed it across the room. His fists connected with the colorfully painted walls. Left behind paintings met the tip of his work boots as he kicked his foot through. Flesh gaped open leaving bloody droplets as he elbowed windows and smashed mirrors.

Desperation wept out of Jacob in raging ferocity. The destructive journey continued throughout the house. He left no wall untouched, no picture unbroken, no door hole less. That is until he reached the family room.

As Jacob entered the room that had been the center of their most happy moments, his knees buckled. Setting on the mantle above the fireplace was a black and white photo representing one of the happiest moments of his life: the very second he and Bella sealed their vows with a kiss. The photo taunted his failing heart. It hypnotized his anger, morphing the wrath into broken pain. His eyes stung hot with forceful tears splattering that broken sadness down his cheeks.

Jacob wasn't sure how long he spent on buckled knees sobbing like a child. It was all he could do to keep from destroying the house he spent ample time, money, and love building. Even still, an angry afterthought reverberated in his skull – he could always burn the place down. He could destroy the house just the same as Bella destroyed him.

It was a thought. A bad thought, but a thought nonetheless. And had it not been for the wedding photo above the fireplace, Jacob sincerely would have set fire to the place. But, it was that photo, that reminding moment, which stopped him, calmed him to the point where he could see straight again.

Once the numbing adrenaline dissolved, pain returned. He ached everywhere from his heart, to his hands, to his feet, to his knees. When he inspected himself, bloody patches, scrapes, and ripped skin were reminders of his unprovoked battle.

Jacob ran his battle wounds under a cool stream of water at the kitchen sink. His eyes roamed the hole-filled walls, destroyed doors, shattered windows, and broken glass. A flare of shame worked its way up his cheeks. Reprehensible lament pounded through his veins while Jacob bandaged the deeper gashes and bloodier scrapes.

The days following his rage-filled explosion, Jacob wallowed in shame and regret. The destruction path of his anger remained as a constant reminder of the moment he lost everything important to him. It was in those days that Jacob came to accept he would unwillingly be a divorced man. But what was there left to do besides soak in the pain, drown his tears with friends, and burn any evidence of his emotionally charged destructive temper? So, that's what he did.

Early on Friday morning, Jacob woke still tired and worn. His scrapes and cuts burned when soap in the shower bubbled across his arms and hands. The biggest, deepest gash spread across width of his hand just below his knuckles, which he wrapped tightly with white gauze. He stared at himself in the fogged bathroom mirror. His eyes were dark and sunken in. His face was scruffy with re-growth. His face seemed thinner, leaner, almost as his appetite had dwindled over the couple of weeks. The burden of the pending divorce pushed down on his shoulders, slumping him forward and keeping his head pointed to the ground. He didn't look like himself any longer, but he'd all but forgotten to care.

Quickly, Jacob brushed his teeth and ate a quick bowl of cereal. Jacob dressed in a pair of jeans, his work boots, and a flannel. Rolling his sleeves up to his elbows, Jacob looked around the bedroom at the destruction path he left behind. Without much thought or feeling, he began to pick up the pieces of aftermath.

A few hours later, the debris from the house was settled in a heaping pile in the backyard. Sweat beaded above his brow. Jacob swiped it away with the back of his hand. The combination of the salty sweat and his raw flesh sent a sharp pain burning through him. Shoving his bandaged hand into his pocket, he fished out his cell phone. He ignored the missed calls and voicemails, pawning them off as his father being overly worried or everyone on the reservation wanting to be nosey.

"Thank you for calling Wolf Automotive. This is Bethany. How can I direct your call?" Bethany chipperly spoke.

"Hey Beth. It's Jake."

"Hey, Jake! How've you been? Enjoying your vacation?"

All Jacob could do was take a deep breath and ignore the implication that _this_ was some sort of "vacation".

"Sure, sure. Listen, is Embry around?"

"Yeah. He's in his office, actually. First time in months. Let me transfer you."

A second later, the line went silent and began to ring. Jacob eyed the pile of broken doors, door facings, drywall, picture frames, and anything else that he could incinerate. The burn pile reminded him of the pain he felt the moment all his hope was lost. That feeling began to flare again. His gut burned. His insides ached. But this time, instead of growing angry, Jacob allowed himself to feel.

"Wolf Automotive. This is Embry Call."

"Hey, man. It's Jake."

"Jake. Man, am I glad to hear from you. When you coming back?"

"I'm not sure. Listen, I'm going to have a bonfire in a couple of hours. Why don't you and the guys come by."

"Alright. Sounds like a good time. Need us to bring anything?"

"Just some beer and some food if you want."

"Bella not cooking?"

"She won't be here." Jacob said sternly.

"Oh. Okay. Well, we'll be there after we close up shop. See ya, man."

"See ya."

A few hours later, the fire was blazing high into the sky. Black smoke billowed above the tree line. Gathered around the pile of debris sat Jacob, Embry, Quil, Paul, Jared, and Sam. Each had a cold beer in their hand as they chatted about their lives, home, and work. And each of them kept a cautious eye on Jacob and his lack of conversation. They had all noticed what was burning in the fire, and they'd also noticed the missing pieces of Bella in the empty house. No one really had enough courage to take a bite out of that apple – that is until Quil had just enough beers to forget why they hadn't brought it up.

"So, Jake," Quil plopped into the chair next to Jacob, "you guys remodeling or something?"

The many conversations that had been taking place silenced until the popping and cracking of the fire was the only thing heard. Jacob huffed and leaned forward until his arms rested on his legs. He brushed his hands together and his eyes floated to the fire. The flames hypnotized the fire burning inside of him. Jacob's fingers grazed his wedding band. Subconsciously, he began to spin it. The smooth metal was the only semblance left of his marriage.

"Nah, man." Jake kept his stare on the glowing burn of the fire. His eyes stung. His chest tightened.

Embry knelt next to Jacob's chair. His hand clamped onto Jacob's shoulder. "What's going on, man? We know something's up."

Jake nodded. It wasn't like he thought he could hide the divorce from anyone, but he couldn't deny that he hoped he could. The moment had come where he would have to tell someone besides his father what was happening. He would have to open himself up, their failed marriage up, to questions that Jacob simply wasn't ready to answer.

"I'm getting divorced." Jacob released the metal band on his finger and picked up the beer bottle between his feet.

"That's terrible. If you need anything, let me or Emily know."

"I hate to hear that."

"That sucks."

"Fuck. That blows."

"Sorry, man. I'm here, ya know, if you need something." Embry squeezed Jacob's shoulder.

Taking a swig of his beer, Jacob nodded, acknowledging his friends' sympathy and the horrid empathetic looks he hated. "Yeah. Me, too."

That night after the flames settled to glowing embers, Jacob retreated to his bedroom. As he sat on the edge of the bed, he scrolled through the happy pictures of himself and Bella again. A routine he had become accustomed to over the passing weeks. Just before he put his phone away for the night, Jacob checked the voicemail list, promising himself that he would check-in with his dad the next day.

Just as he had presumed many of the calls were from his father, his sisters, and a few from the garage, but there was one that stood out, one that he hadn't expected, one that he had received just moments before he'd tore their house apart – a call from Bella. Instantaneously, Jacob pressed to listen to the voicemail. His heart beat erratically in his chest.

"…Hey Jacob. It's… well… it's Bella. I got your message. And I…" The line went silent. Her ragged breathing filled the dead air. "Anyway… I set-up a meeting with a mediator for Tuesday evening at four-thirty at the courthouse in room seven-twenty. Please come."


	4. Chapter 4

**Suggested Listening: **Daughtry - Crawling Back To You; Ben Howard - Gracious; James Morrison - If You Don't Wanna Love Me; Daughtry - It's Not Over

Bella plopped a tea bag in and out of Emily's royal blue coffee cup. The up and down motions were performed robotically with little attention to the sloshes of hot water splattering against the rustic wood countertop. Swaying trees and prickly rain enchanted Bella from the window above the sink, preoccupying her mind from the pending divorce.

_Pending divorce. _

She still could not fathom how she and Jacob reached this point. It wasn't supposed to be in the cards for them, but somehow divorce became the only option to serenity. Yet, the tranquility she so desperately wished to succumb to remained out of reach. Jacob's response had gone from explosive to none at all. She hadn't heard a peep from him the two weeks following the first set of papers – no matter how many sets she sent.

Bella often found herself speculating Jacob's whereabouts and actions. No one would give her information – not even _her_ family. Her decision to divorce Jacob came as a hurtful surprise to those closest to them. Unsurprised, Bella kept the details to herself, explaining that "irreconcilable differences" was the culprit to breaking down a love that was supposed to last forever. Their miscarriage, their hardships, their inability to cope with their own grief – all details that Bella kept to herself.

"You're off in your own world today." Emily stopped Bella's hand from dipping the tea bag once more into the water.

Bella nervously swallowed and tried to smile. She hadn't spoken to Emily since she initiated the divorce, and Bella was sure Emily was clueless. The reservation was usually abuzz with gossip within seconds of it happening. The simple fact Bella didn't receive a phone call when Jacob left or the days following sealed the worry into her soul that Jacob had yet to tell anyone. That worried her far more than her own bleeding heart. If Jacob didn't talk to someone – anyone – soon, then he would explode in one form or another. That worried love is what prevented Bella from sending another round of divorce papers.

"I have a lot on my mind." Bella answered while she followed Emily's lead to the round kitchen table where rustically hand-built chairs allowed them comfort.

"Like what?" Emily smiled and sipped at Bella's hot tea and apple cider concoction. "Trouble in paradise?"

"Yeah, actually."

The perplexed expression which formed over Emily's face caused the hole in Bella's chest to burn hotter than it ever had.

"Sorry to hear that." Sitting the cup down, Emily folded her hands on the table. "I'm here if you want to talk. Sam and I have been through nearly everything in the past ten years. We're always happy to lend a helping hand or listening ear whenever other couples have trouble."

Bella nodded. "I wish I would have known that months ago."

"Months ago? Uh-oh. Talk to me. Tell me what's happening."

"It's too far gone for talking." Bella whispered. If she spoke any louder, Bella was sure that what was left of her would turn to dust. She saw the surprised look appear on Emily's face, but it came much sooner than the other's. "Jacob and I… well…" Bella's throat itched. Her mouth ran dry. Her body began to ache. "We're… getting a divorce."

Emily almost looked revolted by Bella's announcement. She spat the sip of tea in her mouth back into the blue ceramic cup. Her fingers shook nervously as she sat the cup down onto the table. "A divorce? Bella… Are you sure?"

_No._

Swallowing back her initial thought, Bella agreed with a shake of her head. Verbalizing even the slightest hint of anything else was sure to shatter her into tiny pieces on the floor. "It's just not working out anymore."

"Don't you think you're giving up too easily?" The scars on Emily's face wrinkled with her beauty as her face scrunched in disbelief and sadness.

"Too easily?" Bella scoffed and poked at the giant muffin in front of her. "There's nothing easy about this."

"That's what I'm saying, Bella. Don't you think that you and Jake are just giving up because it's not easy?" Emily brought her cup up to her lips. She blew a puff of air across the tea before she tipped it and took a small sip. "Oh. That's good. I'm going to miss your tea and our Sunday talks."

"I'll still be here, Emily. We'll still do this every Sunday."

"What about Jacob?" Emily's face relaxed at Bella's dedication to their friendship. "How's he doing?"

"I-I-I don't know. I haven't seen him or talked to him since," Bella picked at the raisins on her muffin, trying to divert some of the radiating pain somewhere else, "I gave him the papers."

"He didn't know?" Emily shrieked. "Oh, Bella!"

"I couldn't talk to him, Emily! Every time I tried, he bit my head off! He changed. I changed. This whole marriage changed. What else was I supposed to do?" Relentless tears trickled down Bella's face. One by one they dripped from her quivering chin onto her clasped hands.

A comforting hand rested on Bella's. "You don't have to talk about this if you don't want to, but what happened months ago? Bella, I wasn't aware that things were souring between you two. I would have tried…"

The scar the miscarriage left on Bella ripped open. The fresh wound throbbed as she relived every detail of her loss again. And now, the divorce with Jacob – well, it was like pouring salt on raw flesh.

"I had a miscarriage…"

Speaking those words crippled her breathing. That was the first time Bella allowed that declaration to fall from her tongue. Usually, _that_ _word_ was left to sit in her mouth, souring her taste buds and causing a seed of bitterness to plant itself somewhere inside of her heart. When resentment blossomed, Bella was surprised as to who the subject of her anger was. She prepared herself to dislike Jacob, to find him annoying and offensive, but when her dislike anchored against herself, Bella cowered in its presence.

"I'm sorry to hear that." Emily lifted her arm and engulfed Bella's shoulders. "I didn't know you were pregnant. Why didn't you tell me?" The tone of Emily's voice changed. It went from disbelief to a sincere empathy, a loving coo.

"Jacob and I…" Bella visibly jerked at the referral. Tears leaked from her eyes. "We thought it was better if we kept the pregnancy to ourselves until we found out everything was okay." Bringing her fingers up to her eyes, Bella swiped away a few giant tears and sniffled. "We'd heard horror stories of couples celebrating their pregnancies and then losing them. We didn't want that."

"Was the pregnancy something you both wanted?"

Bella nodded. "It wasn't planned, but when we found out…It was one of the happiest moments in my life. Ya know…" Glancing toward Emily, Bella allowed the sadness to overcome her and she spoke of it. "There was going to be a little guy or girl in the world that was both a part of me _and_ Jacob. It would have been the most _amazing _idea to experience. And then suddenly… it was gone. All those hopes… dreams… thoughts… feelings… they're just taken from you. And you wonder why… why me? What'd I do wrong? Am I not supposed to be a mom?" A wild sob scratched from Bella's throat carrying with it a million tears. "I keep asking myself what I did to deserve this. What'd I do that was so wrong? Where'd I go wrong? I've rehashed every moment between the conception and finding out and losing the pregnancy. I've driven myself into this dark cave. And I'm lost…I'm just lost." Bella's arms instinctively began to wrap around her midsection. As she caught herself, her arms dropped. "And then, every day… _every day _I have to face Jacob and how I let him down, how I let _us_ down." Bella's shoulders rose and fell as she allowed herself to break apart.

Emily rested her head on her friend's sobbing shoulders. The dark depression surrounding Bella engulfed her as well, causing tears to well up in the corners of her eyes. "I didn't know. If I had…I would have tried to help. Sam would have too."

"I didn't want anyone to know. I _don't _want anyone to know."

"You have to talk about this, Bella. You should have talked to Jacob. I'm sure he didn't feel the way you perceived him to."

"You don't see the way he looks at me…it's like I disgust him."

"Has he said that?"

"No."

"Then how do you know what he's feeling if you haven't asked?"

"I don't," squeaked past Bella's lips in a barely audible whisper. "I can feel it with the way he watches me. I can hear it in the way he talks to me."

"He's hurt too." Emily tried to connect the obvious dots Bella seemed to be missing. Her pain disguised the evident reality.

"We've just lost it. And I can't…I can't keep hurting him_._ I feel his disappointment, his hatred. _That kills me._"

"Hate is a strong word, Bella."

"_I_ could _never_ hate _you_."

His voice came from the doorway of the kitchen. The kindness that wafted in his syllables and the emotions that cracked through each letter halted her sobs. Bella slowly turned. A disheveled Jacob cleared her tear-blurred vision just as drips of sadness watered her cheeks. He looked as though he hadn't slept in weeks. His face was covered in a scruff that only complimented his chiseled jaw line. His brown eyes were glossed with sentiment. His plump lips pulled down at the corners forming a sad frown. And his right hand was covered in a blood speckled bandage.

"Jacob…" Emily puzzled. "What are you doing here?"

Jacob's steady gaze slid from Bella to her as she spoke. But then his eyes focused back on the weeping Bella. Her sobs had stopped; her shoulders no longer shook; however, her tears seemed to only pick up pace the longer Jacob stood in the doorway.

Bella whimpered. The reason Jacob was here didn't matter. What mattered was that he was, and that he overheard a portion of the conversation. Every inch of her throbbed with a pain that wouldn't subside. And the only person who could stop it was standing twenty feet away with tears in his eyes and a bloody, bandaged hand. Closing her eyes, Bella calmed the throbbing pain.

A movie played out behind Bella's eyelids. She could stand at the counter pretending to be stronger than she actually was. Using her fake strength Bella's non-reaction to Jacob's presence would push a wedge further between the two. Jacob would succumb to her repeated-unwanted-requests, and she would get her wish – to rid herself of any residual burdens of a loss that rattled her bones.

Or she could let her reserves fall away. She could feel her pain. She could run to Jacob. She could let him fix her. She could help him fix the damage inside of him too. And maybe sometime after that, they could repair whatever was left of the vows they made almost two years prior.

Bella chose the latter.

Her cheek pressed against Jacob's chest as her trembling arms wrapped around his waist. A gusty, surprised gasp pushed through Jacob's lungs, sounding far louder to Bella than anyone else. One of his hands pushed against the back of her neck, holding her to him, while the other looped across her body, squeezing her closer.

The world surrounding them silenced. Time stopped in the moment Jacob's lips connected with Bella's hair. He let them linger longer willing a surprising response. Bella fisted Jacob's flannel shirt and buried her face in the center of his chest. Cries wept from her heart with a force which shook them. Pressing his cheek against her forehead, Jacob constricted his hold on her.

"Shhh…" he cooed against her head, trying to quiet Bella's weeping. "Calm down." Her sobs turned to gasping breaths and scruffy yelps. From side to side, Jacob swayed trying to calm the evident pain erupting from Bella. "Bells..." Yet nothing seemed to help. "Please…try to calm down." Not even his own sniffles or sobs quieted Bella's. And so, Jacob embraced Bella's pain with his strong arms, holding the broken pieces of her together.

Witnessing the collapse, Emily shed a tear or two of saddening relief. With a nod of her head, she excused herself from the beauty of the moment and left the two broken hearts to deal with their pain in her kitchen. Sadness glistened on her cheeks as Emily peered over her shoulder from the basement door way, catching Jacob's painfully hopeful gaze.

_Thank you._ He mouthed.

Sam and Embry barreled through the door laughing and joking, but the moment Bella's silhouette hit their peripheral vision their joyful revelry halted. Both nodded toward Jacob, who gave them a returning head tilt. Passing Jacob, Embry clamped his fingers around Jacob's shoulder and squeezed, offering quiet support. Just as quickly as Embry and Sam entered the house, they disappeared down the basement steps, no doubt setting up for the game of poker they'd planned for the evening.

"I don't want you to hate me." Bella stated.

"I don't." Jacob's arms loosened and he pushed himself back. His eyes wandered over Bella's splotchy, tear stained face. "I could never go a day without loving you."

"It feels like you already have." The confession pushed passed Bella's lips before she could rethink and choose her words carefully. Jacob's face crinkled in reaction. His black-brown eyes glossed. "I mean…"

"No." Jacob shook his head. "You needed to say it. Don't take it back now. But…don't think for one minute that it's true. I'm lost too, Bella, just like you are."

The truth initiated a ripple effect inside of Bella. His words stuck to her heart with a million tiny pins and needles. And so from her heart pulsated a sob that left an aching pain in her throat. The most obvious of reasons for Jacob's change had been the last for Bella to think of. As simple as it was, Bella had forgotten him in her own pain.

To quiet Bella's cries, Jacob brought his bandaged hand to her cheek. Brushing his thumb against her skin, Jacob kissed the tip of Bella's reddened nose. He watched the sadness burn paths across Bella's face and down her neck. How could so much sadness be wrapped up into one person?

The cotton bandage gently scratched at Bella's cheek. The lack of Jacob's skin felt foreign, pulling her attention away from the radiating pain. She glanced down to the bandage and brought her fingers up to Jacob's. Tugging away his hand, Bella turned it over and examined the splotches of blood. Her insides wretched at the possibilities of what happened.

Glancing up to Jacob, Bella watched him wince as she barely touched her thumb to his bruised knuckles. "How'd you do this?"

Jacob squeezed his eyes shut. "I went to the house the other day."

Bella turned his hand over. His palm was clear of cuts and bruises. "And?" Her fingers grazed over the tucked piece of gauze holding the bandage together.

"You weren't there."

Bella pulled the bandage free and slowly unwrapped his hand. She glanced up luring him to tell her more.

"Your stuff was gone."

As she freed Jacob's hand, her eyes widened at the long gash just below his knuckles, and the black and blue bruise that spread from the bottoms of his fingers to a third of the way down his hand. Her lip trembled with unanticipated sadness.

"I lost it." Jacob barely spoke above a whisper. And when Bella looked up, she was surprised by the pain free expression covering Jacob's face. He didn't have to explain with words what he meant. Instead, Bella watched him relive the moments of destruction through the two black-brown eyes that adored her so much.

"Jake…" she gasped. Her fingers brushed over the red, swollen gash across his hand.

"It doesn't hurt." Just then her finger grazed over a tender area, and he winced. "That much." He chuckled lightly.

"I-I-I did this to you. It's my fault that you hurt yourself like this."

"No." Jacob brushed his lips over Bella's cheek. He leaned close to her ear and said. "You're not going to bear that burden too. I won't let you."

A tear trickled from Bella's eye as a since of relief dawned over her heart. The sob climbing up her throat stopped and slipped back down to her stomach. Her eyes lifted just enough to meet Jacob's solemn stare.

"Let me take some of your pain away. Let me fix it, Bells. I promise you. I can."

Bella's head moved from side to side. "I can't let you do that. I can't take away your happiness."

Jacob scoffed. His eyebrows wrinkled in frustration. "My happiness?" His eyes brimmed with tears. "Bella, I have a hole inside of me, right here." He pointed to the center of his chest. With a firm finger he poked. "This keeps me from being happy. You leaving took my happiness away." Jacob lifted his wounded hand to Bella's cheek. Bringing the edge of his lip into his mouth to stop the quaking, Jacob glanced away for a moment. When he looked back, a tear slipped from his grasp. "You're the only thing that can fix me."

Bella's heart was captured in that moment. Jacob's revelation carved into her a piece of him he never expressed before. She was his weakness and his only fix. The thudding in her chest mocked the sadness that pounded through her veins. As broken as she was, Bella knew the only way to fix herself was through Jacob. And he, surprisingly, needed her to fix him.

Could she give in? Was it really that simple?

Before Bella could mentally respond, her emotions pushed her up onto the balls of her feet. Jacob pensively stared at her. The questions brooding in his eyes cleared once her's fluttered shut, and she grazed her lips with his.

The grazing kiss comforted the throbbing sadness inside, but Bella found herself flat footed before she was ready to let go. Rejection began to build-up in her heart. Just before the feeling could spread, causing a blush that she'd never be able to hide, Jacob's lips pushed onto hers. His palms rested on the sides of her neck and his thumbs brushed the line of her jaw. His kiss was powerfully full and thick, his mouth covering hers again before she could respond to the initial kiss. Bleeding from his lips was a passion that Bella had forgotten, a passion she hadn't felt in months. It was his passion for her, and it ignited her very own.

An explosion of rightfulness happened in that moment. The seconds her eyes were closed, the seconds while Jacob captured her passion with his, erased the troubled stare Bella had grown used to. Peace captivated her cold, enveloping disappointment until it almost disappeared, but the moment her eyes fluttered open and Jacob's perfectly sculpted face was there to greet her, peace replaced guilt. And so a question formed deep inside of Bella.

Would there ever be a time when she could look at Jacob without seeing a reflection of her own disenchantment? The question lingering on her mind, she wore it on her face as a frown.

Jacob sighed, frustration getting the better of him. "What do you need me to do, Bells? I'll do anything to wipe the look from your face."

Bella lifted her shoulders but the weight of their miscarriage was heavy and so they fell on their own. "I can't look at you without seeing…seeing how I let you down. Just looking at you reminds me of _everything_ all over again."

Jacob's face fell pale as her words soaked in. "So, just," he took a haggard breath willing the words to form themselves, "looking at me reminds you of the…" Jacob's eyebrows rose before drawing together as though the movement helped him form that one single word, "baby?"

"Looking at you reminds me of my failures, Jacob. How I failed as a wife and a woman." The strength in Bella's voice shocked her. Maybe Emily was right. Maybe talking about her pain, her feelings, would help heal the wounds. "I know you're disappointed."

"Well, yeah…" Jacob shrugged. "It wasn't planned, but I wanted…_it_ more than anything."

Jacob's statement reassured her fears and fueled the fiery need of blame.

"I failed you."

The responsibility of their miscarriage was almost visible on Bella's shoulders. The sight of her burdens slashed gashes into the pieces of Jacob's heart. And suddenly his anger-fueled reactions seemed outrageous. Guilt ridiculed his broken marriage.

"I've failed you, Bella. I should have supported you, been there by your side…but I wasn't. And I understand that now. As much as I don't want this _divorce_ to happen I can see why you would want one." His own acknowledgement formed a ball in his throat.

Bella watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed the epiphany parting his lips. His shadowed black-brown eyes lightened. Left behind were wrinkles of defeat and mere understanding of the situation. He finally understood why she'd filed for divorce. Bella won his agreement; however, there would be no victorious celebration. Conquering Bella's heart was a need to stop the situation from proceeding any further.

Divorce sounded foreign and wrong. She had just started making headway; Jacob finally grasped what turned their marriage sour. Yet, there he stood kissing her forehead so hard, so roughly that it felt like it was the last time she'd ever feel his lips again. The feeling riling up in her was dangerous and careless. Yet, Bella restrained her frivolous heart from jumping out of her chest directly back into Jacob's busted palm, and it felt like someone held her heart with a vice-grip.

"I'm sorry, Bells." Jacob whispered into the part of her hair.

All she could do was nod. Blurry tears clouded her vision. The wooden floor beneath her feet gathered her tears and absorbed them. Her resolve faded with each step Jacob took toward the door, but she allowed herself no other reaction but the wrapping of her arms around her midsection and the tears dripping haphazardly down her cheeks.

Bella didn't venture a glance up until the door cracked open. It was then that her tear stained eyes wondered up in just enough time to see the door pull shut. Bella's heart fell to her feet. A sob cleared her throat with forceful vengeance leaving behind the rusty taste of blood.

Reality sank in. Jacob caved. Divorce was in her future. But was that what she really wanted anymore?

The second thought, the moment's break of insanity, forced Bella's feet to move toward the door Jacob just closed. Clearing her throat was his name. At first, it came out as a squeak, but she knew he wouldn't be able to hear her. And so, she tried it again. This time, Bella yanked open the door as his name fell from her lips.

"JAKE!" Tears rapidly fell from her eyes. "Please…"

His broad, swaying silhouette stopped and turned. The somber, disjointed expression glistened with droplets of rain. The cold drops falling from the sky pelted Bella as she sailed down the steps and into Jacob's arms.

"Fix me." Bella pleaded. She needed him to hold her together, to glue the pieces of her back together. "I need _you_ to _fix_ _me_." She made sure to clarify the plea with a precise request just so there could be no misunderstandings.

Jacob disbelievingly gawked. His mouth fell ajar at Bella's request. Retorting his emotional response was the tightening of his arms and the grappling of Bella's tiny frame to his. With a curt nod of his head, Jacob buried his face into the nape of Bella's neck. "Only if you promise to fix me too," his appeal was barely audible, but loud enough for Bella to tighten her grip on him.

"I love you." She whimpered into his neck.

"I love you too." The usual tenderness in his voice was clogged with apprehensible sadness. "Always."

* * *

**Author's Note: **I could give you guys some reason as to why it's been so long since I've updated, but I'll spare you. I apologize and hope that it doesn't happen again. No promises though. Anyway, this is **not** the end. So...I hope to see you guys soon! Leave me a comment letting me know what you think.


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